.Genderless.Episode.5.

The cascading barrage of complicated terms and barked orders flow by my ears in a steady stream.

Vague they seep into the background as the forefront of my mind is askew with thoughts of him.

“Charlatan…” I found myself whispering with a curious smirk.

“And what exactly does that mean?” a familiar voice queries with a verbal smile and I slightly turn my head to catch another slight outcast such as myself settle herself in the seat next to me.

“Just someone I met last night.” I reply simply, my thoughts teasing me to get lost within them once more.

She smirks a little, “Strange name… Is he hot?”

I feel my face light up like a flare at her shamelessness. Quickly bowing my head and not saying a word.

I hear her giggle, “I’ll take that as a definite yes.” She teases and I whimper.

“Haha, well I think Jamie will be glad to see you taking an interest in something that’s not all death death death for once.”

I look up from my pained hidey hole and glare, “I’m not interested in him… Just… curious… is all…”

I see her pretty face become even prettier as she starts to laugh, “Freak, even I can see you fancy this guy and I’m a fucking failure at relationships. That in and of itself says something.”

She leans in closer, all of a sudden completely serious.

“I mean it hun, you’ve been trapped in that shell of yours forever, maybe taking a chance is just what you need to finally get a legitimate smile on that face of yours.”

I look away, desperately trying to get the many words that dwell inside my skull to actually materialize out of my damned mouth.

All that I got?

“But… I can’t…”

I felt a groan build up at the back of my throat for just how pitiful that response was.

“Can’t what? Take a chance? Try and make yourself happy for once?”

I looked at her mouth, too afraid to look her in the eye.

“Rowan…” I begin in an attempt to try and start a legitimate response but somehow life had to remind us of its presence in the form of the shrill screaming of bells.

“Well I guess this conversation’s going to have to wait until later then…” Rowan sighs and stands up.

She looks down at me with a small frown.

“Take care of yourself okay?”

A moment’s silence passes and she walks away, immediately consumed by the pulsating crowd of people shuffling towards the next step of their day.

I bow my head, pretending she still stood there.

“It’s not that I can’t take a chance… it’s just…”

I sigh.

“I can’t do anything.”